


Defriending old demons

by Rinusagitora



Series: Shinigami!Karin AU [2]
Category: Bleach
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, Depression, Dysfunctional Family, Gen, Shinigami Karin Kurosaki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-29
Updated: 2017-07-29
Packaged: 2018-12-08 09:16:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11643510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rinusagitora/pseuds/Rinusagitora
Summary: Anger is a hurdle not easily overcome. It's a good thing there's not a lot she can't overcome.





	Defriending old demons

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings for slurs, violence, & misogyny.

She was a lot of things.

Untroubled was not among those.

“Kurosaki-san’s grades are---”

“Karin,” she interrupted with a tight scowl. “It’s Karin.”

“O-of course. As you can see, Karin-san’s grades are superb,” Headmaster Hiroshi said as Momo examined her grade reports. “Our instructors rave about her. She’s focused and unquestionably talented. I’m sure you’ve heard there’s already discussion of Karin-san filling a seated position in your division.”

Momo hummed. “I’m ecstatic to hear Karin-chan is doing well in school, Headmaster, but I have difficulty grasping the purpose of this meeting if there's nothing wrong. I would appreciate if you were straightforward with me.”

“Of course, Hinamori-fukutaichou,” the headmaster replied. “You see, Karin-san is having trouble cooperating with her classmates. There are a few gentlemen she’s been involved in physical altercations with, namely Chousuke Watanabe. I hope you understand how this affects our image and moral.” She couldn’t help but roll her eyes when the headmaster said that. Image was too important to the faculty. “We don’t plan on expelling any of our students currently, but if Karin-san’s behavior continues, we’ll have no choice but to, Hinamori-fukutaichou.”

Momo’s gaze turned to her, then. “Karin, I would like to hear your side of the story. What have these boys done to provoke you?”

“Witness reports say---”

“I wasn’t under the impression your name was ‘Karin,’ Headmaster.”

“Many apologies, Hinamori-fukutaichou.”

Momo turned back to her. “Go on. I want to hear what you’ve got to say, Karin-chan. Honesty is always the best policy. You know that.”

She sighed. “There’ve been complaints about Watanabe in the dorms. He’s been vandalizing people’s dorms, and he beat up my sparring partner Kawashima in the showers. No one seemed to be doing anything about it so I took matters into my own hands. When I confronted him in the courtyard this morning, he tried to punch me and we just got into it from there.”

“That’s noble of you to stand up for your classmate,” Momo complimented. “What about the other boys?”

Her scowl deepened. Watanabe was the only one she would’ve stated anything about, since their fights had been witnessed by several bystanders who could have testified that he always threw the first punch. The rest were in otherwise empty spans, and though her fights with the other gentlemen started for similar reasons because she hated it when people were used as punching bags, because there were no witnesses it was basically her word against theirs’. Those situations never ended in ways she wanted them to.

“Karin,” Momo said insistently. “Talk to me. You know nothing you’ve done will make me hate you.”

She remained silent.

Momo’s nostrils flared. “Fine, it’s your hide.” Momo turned back to the headmaster then. “Headmaster Hiroshi, you have a problem with your students. Squad Five will be conducting an investigation into this. In the meantime, I suggest you reign in your unruly charges.”

“An investigation is unnecessary, Hinamori-fukutaichou!” Hiroshi squawked.

“Your priority is the safety of the student body, Headmaster, I suggest you act like it. Good day.” She and Momo stood, bowed, and left his office.

She dutifully followed behind Momo. She was enormously disgusted with her secrecy with Momo, but she knew better than to say anything on record that she couldn’t prove. Even to Momo, whom she trusted with her life and body, and especially when she knew Momo’s reputation may have been damaged by allegations they couldn’t prove. She couldn’t do that to the kindest woman in existence.

“Wh-what’re you gonna make me do?” she asked Momo.

“Nothing until our investigation is complete,” Momo replied. “There are repercussions you can’t be spared of unless you’re upfront with me. Your opinion bears more weight than you think, Karin-chan.”

Momo was right. Alas, her standing wasn’t beyond repercussions and only took risks as a last-ditch effort. 

* * *

The next week was weirdly normal. She and Watanabe duked it out after classes that Saturday by the incinerator because she couldn’t stand his snide ass, she went home with Izuru and never complained to him about the blow Watanabe landed to her gut. She hated the sense of normalcy when she knew she there was an investigation amiss. She just needed something to happen.

A cynical part of her knew nothing would, not to Watanabe at least. His family had enough money to get him out of trouble. Even Momo, with her power, may have been out of her league. It ticked her off.

Still, her sparring partner was grateful. Scared, but Kawashima thanked her profusely every minute he could. It made her taste copper when nothing came of the investigation.

He approached her again at lunch. She moved her lunchbox so Kawashima could have sat beside her.

“Good afternoon, Kira-sensei,” Kawashima bowed respectfully before he sat to her other side. “Hi, Karin. I’m sorry for interrupting your lunches everyday, but I think you’re the only person I’m safe with when I’m not in class.”

“It’s no sweat. Watanabe’s a piece of shit, and the way those kids surrounded you last week was fucking scary. I can play bodyguard until the shitbags are weeded out of here,” she promised him. She meant that. No underdog was hurt, not if she could’ve prevented it.

Kawashima was visibly relieved. “I can’t thank you enough, Karin.”

She jostled him by his shoulder. “No sweat, dude. How’s your face?”

“It’s, um,” Kawashima nervously scratched his short hair, “it hurts. A whole fucking lot. I mean, I can chew now, and I was compensated with dentures for all the teeth I lost.” Kawashima popped out his front teeth as demonstration. “I still can’t see out of my left eye, though. It’s all blurry. The doctor says I may not have normal sight out of that eye ever again.” He shuddered. “I can’t believe this shit, Karin. I haven’t slept since then, and no one’s doing anything about it. I’m just a Rukon rat to these people, but what makes Watanabe better than me? Why does this place allow these assholes to just run amuck?”

“I don’t know.” She hated she hadn’t answers either.

“I hate to interrupt you two, but I figure I’m obligated to at least inform the victim of the investigation’s progress,” Izuru said. She and Kawashima regarded him with eager gazes. “My wife tells me that Watanabe is just a goon in a group of boys in similar trouble. I can’t name any names, but if you can name one they’re probably on that list. There will be action taken against these boys, but it’s not what you two are expecting. I’m afraid if I say anymore, my wife will have my head for breaching confidentiality. But I suggest you two take up running laps and parkour if you haven’t already.”

She and Kawashima nodded. Her gut told her she wouldn’t like the next couple of weeks.

“Finish your lunch, Karin-chan. I’ll see you tonight. Kawashima, where is your next class? I’ll escort you there.”

Kawashima stood and bowed to them. “Thank you, Kira-sensei. My next class is in intermediate class lecture hall three,” he said. “Bye, Karin, I’ll see you soon.”

She nodded to Kawashima and then picked up her lunch. She knew to take Izuru’s advice to heart.

* * *

She knew the day had come when Momo woke her up early, dressed in hakuda-specialized clothes, and handed her a pair of padded gloves and kneepads before they went out. They walked briskly to the academy. Momo’s tension was palpable, and her shoulders ached like her mentor’s must have with the knot of muscle between Momo’s shoulder blades.

They met Toushirou at the entrance, he dressed in similar garb as Momo.

“You’re decked out,” Toushirou remarked as she approached. “I’m glad you’re prepared, Karin.”

“Momo-senpai gave them to me. I’m sure I’m sorely underprepared for anything you two are going to put me through,” she replied.

“I have full confidence in your ability. I can’t promise you’ll breeze through this, but I know you’ll succeed.”

Toushirou’s encouragement eased her dread. She made it through Karakura, hollow warzone, with her abilities capped by a body. She could do a hell of a lot more as a shinigami. “Thank you, Toushirou. I’ll keep that in mind.”

“That’s enough dallying. This event begins at eight sharp. Karin-chan, wait in the courtyard, Hitsugaya, follow me,” Momo said.

Toushirou obediently followed, as if their positions were reversed and Momo was the captain. She loitered around the courtyard, and slowly it filled with equally confused and concerned students as they all stared at the muddy obstacle course set up to one side of the courtyard. It was a fearsome thing out of bootcamp, a stark contrast against their prissy dojos. 

Kawashima pushed his way through the bodies towards her. “Do you have any idea what’s going on?” he hissed. His forehead was already damp with sweat. Kawashima was a nervous, bookish boy. He didn’t do well outside of the classroom.

“I think we’re gonna run that,” she answered.

“This wasn’t in the curriculum! My brother mentioned nothing about an obstacle course. What the hell is going on, Karin?”

“Use that brain, Kawashima. Bootcamp is made to break you down and build you up according to what the directors want,” she told him. “Just… keep your head down and follow orders the first time, okay?”

“Why are they putting us through this? We didn’t do anything!”

“They’re making an example out of us. It’s a lesson to us that fighting won’t have a good outcome for anyone, and to future classes that they won’t tolerate aggressive shits.” She tucked her bangs behind her ears. “Think of it like this-- it’ll end eventually. You’ll get through this.”

“That’s not the point!” Kawashima snapped. “Why are we being punished for something they did? This is stupid, this is so fucking stupid---”

“Shut up, maggots!” Momo voice boomed over the crowd and her classmates immediately silenced. Momo oozed authority despite her small size. Her mentor was a jilted, cheated woman, not a flimsy one. “In case some of you missed your general education classes, I am Momo Hinamori, lieutenant of the Fifth Division. My men have conducted an investigation into your conduct and it is unbecoming of future shinigami! You maggots should be ashamed of yourselves. So, for the next two weeks, we will run you bored maggots into the ground. And maybe the next time you think of beating your future comrades,” Momo continued.

“As you see off to your side, you will be running an obstacle course. Shihouin-sensei, demonstrate as I narrate.” Yoruichi jumped onto the starting platform upon Momo’s askance. “You will begin by swinging by that rope onto the bars which you will traverse using only your hands. From the bars you will crawl under the rope matrix, run through the wheels, and then scale the wall with your injured partner. You will then jump hurdles, climb up the rope, run across those poles, and from there you may rehydrate, snack, and/or piss for five minutes before you repeat the course.”

“You will not speak in the meantime. You will not touch each other or loiter. If you are lapped by another classmate or fudge up a part of the course, you will do drills with Hitsugaya-taichou to the other side of the courtyard. His course is not an out, he will drill you until you are exhausted in which you will return to the course afterwards. Any class time you miss will be tacked onto the end of this semester which you will have to make up. If you fail to complete this course in the allotted two weeks, you will do it again and again on top of your classwork until you pass.”

“Now run, maggots!”

She took off. She figured it was best to get it over with. She was second on the rope, after the third year overachiever. The course was simple enough. Karakura had more original obstacles when she fought hollows in the World of the Living. However, she knew she wouldn’t have been made to run just once. The purpose of that course was to wear them down, it wouldn’t work just once.

Yoruichi tossed her into Toushirou’s drills. Minutes later, Kawashima was thrown into laps with her.

“I hate this,” he hissed.

“Suck it up, Kawashima.” She wasn’t exactly pleased by it herself.

Though, she understood her classmate’s frustration. It felt no different from her arguments with Ichigo-- punished when she stood up for her values.

Toushirou threw her back into the obstacle course after they finished push-ups. She bounced between drills and the course, and eventually she was drenched in sweat and her insides ached. Ever a ball of fire, it only pissed her off more. 

Watanabe was thrown into drills for the fourth time. He did sit ups in front of her, and though he was barely audible over Toushirou’s whistle, she had keen ears.

“I hate this bitch so much! She’s not our fucking instructor, she doesn’t have the authority to boss us around like this. What the hell is even going on, can they even do this to us?”

No one insulted Momo like that. No one.

She slammed her heel into the back of Watanabe’s head. He lolled forward as she stood. She yanked Watanabe up by his ponytail and then kicked him into the wall. There were shrieks from her classmates as Watanabe crashed into the wall. She charged at him before gravity pulled him to the ground, and then slammed her knee into his throat.

She was torn away from Watanabe by the back of her uniform. It was Toushirou, red from his forehead to his neck. “You two want to fight!? Here’s your chance! Come at me!” he shrieked as he threw his whistle aside.

“Is he serious?” Watanabe squawked.

“Yeah, thanks to your fucking ego!” she spat.

Toushirou charged. He was the love of her life, even in the break of their relationship, but that didn’t mean he would’ve gone easy on her. It was disrespectful and would’ve ruined the point of the entire exercise.

There was no other way she would’ve had it.

She deflected Toushirou’s fist and then aimed a kick for his ankles. He leapt over her leg and caught her neck between his calves midair. When he twisted her, like a crocodile twisted its prey, she was pulled off her remaining leg and arced through the air. Toushirou was good, but so was she. She landed on her feet and then slammed her elbow into his gut. He seemed unfazed. However, he had lost momentum and fell towards the ground, though his legs were still clasped tightly around her neck. He flung her across the courtyard like a ragdoll. She flew past the drills, through a peg of the obstacle course, and into the far wall. Stars sprout in her vision as her head connected with the wall.

It hurt, every inch of her hurt, and it ticked her off more. Her reiatsu burned from the inside out, her vision distorted as heatwaves rolled off every centimeter of her skin. Sweat rolled off her face and blood dribbled from her nose and gushed from the back of her head.

The splintered peg levitated off the ground upon her order. She was a shinigami, but she still retained many of her Quincy-based abilities, especially telekinesis via reiryoku particles. 

While she prepared to fling the splintered pole at readied Toushirou, she noted blackness crept from the edge of her vision. A sweet smell came over the air, and then purple blossoms materialized and fell through the air. She wobbled on her feet, intent to stay conscious despite Momo’s unsurpassed kidou abilities. However, even she, in all her resilience, couldn’t hold a flame to Momo’s magic.

She toppled into unconsciousness.

* * *

She awoke on her belly with her cheek on a surface much softer than tile.

She was on a hospital bed, she realized as she peeled her eyes open. It was a welcome reprieve to her sore muscles. Surely, those drills hadn’t exhausted her so thoroughly. Perhaps she had expended too much energy when she lifted that pole. It was easier to utilize environmental reiryoku, however it didn’t surprise her that she was way above her head when she tried to lift that thing.

She was just so angry with Watanabe, and the most anyone did was make them run an obstacle course and do drills. It felt exactly the same as when she was made to shake hands with the softball team in high school after they literally ripped off her shirt on her way out from the locker room. Despicable.

“Oh good, you’re finally awake, Karin.”

She pushed herself onto her knees so she could get a look at the door. Hanatarou stood with a clipboard and a friendly smile. She was relieved to see him, her face felt dry and leathery from dehydration.

“Yamada,” she greeted with a nod. “How long was I out? C-can I get a glass of water?”

Hanatarou entered and filled a paper cup for her. “An hour and a half. Not long at all, seeing as how it was Hinamori-fukutaichou’s kidou that put you out. I must say that it’s impressive. The last time Hinamori-fukutaichou used Hakufuku on someone, they were out for almost a week. And that was years ago-- I assume Hinamori-fukutaichou has only improved since that time,” Yamada explained.

Her trachea bobbed as she drank. She finished and handed Hanatarou the cup. “Am I good to go then?” she asked.

“You may. But you have a visitor, would you like to entertain them while I fill out your discharge papers?”

Watanabe’s reiatsu lingered beyond the wall. Her nostrils flared. “C’mon in, Watanabe.” If that son of a bitch wanted to rumble, she’d rumble.

Watanabe entered as Yamada left. He sat across from her in a worn chair. Bandages were wrapped around his head and his arm was in a sling angled away from his trunk with a strap across his chest and opposite shoulder. She examined his sling and made an educated guess that she had probably broken his shoulder blade. Good riddance.

“What in the world makes you so brave?” Watanabe asked. “I mean, you went head-to-head against a captain. You lost, you looked like shit just before Hinamori knocked you out, but I wouldn’t have done that because I’d be too scared. I mean, what differentiates you and me? I’m a noble who’s been brought up to be a shinigami all my life, but in you waltz, a commoner with a mysterious past, and you’ve got more connections and power than I can comprehend.”

She felt a vein bulge from her forehead. “You’re so impolite that I’m just gonna ignore you so I don’t end up killing you.”

“I’m serious, Karin! I can’t even stand up to my own mother, how can you be so… so brave, even though you know you’re going to lose?”

“Because, unlike you, my strength is gathered from kindness. I don’t beat people up because my home life is shit, I beat people up who choose to victimize people because they wanna feel big and strong,” she snort.

And then she frowned. Was it the truth, though? She had been so frustrated by her uselessness and Ichigo’s total dismissal of it. She felt powerful every time she fought, that hadn’t changed after she died. Did it really matter that she fought for the underdog when she was violent all the same?

Watanabe scoffed. “That doesn’t make sense. You and Hitsugaya-taichou get along perfectly fine, but you went full-force against him earlier. I get trying to beat the shit out of me since I was talking shit about Hinamori, but Hitsugaya-taichou hasn’t ever done anything against you. You’re as angry as I am, Karin. I want to know what makes you braver than I.”

“Firstly, she’s Hinamori-fukutaichou to you, and if you dare refer to my mentor so informally again, I’ll grind every bone in your body to dust,” she growled. “Secondly, I’m not obligated to tell you anything, Watanabe. You’re wasting both our time. Fuck off.”

“Damn it, Karin! I’m asking for help. Can you throw me a bone or something?” he snapped.

Her lips pursed. To Watanabe’s credit, she understood how hard it was to swallow one’s pride ask for help. Besides, she oughtn’t have passed up the chance to lecture someone she despised. Her hobby had long been to cut egotistical men down to size.

“I am brave,” she began, “because it ticked off my brother.”

Watanabe’s eyebrows shot up. “I-I thought you were an only child.”

“I lied,” she told him. “While I was alive, my brother thought pursuing my powers would endanger me, when the exact opposite was happening. I got to be brave after I realized no matter how long I held my breath, he’d never respect my agency.”

“This conversation is over,” she said as she slipped off her hospital bed. Watanabe watched her with watery eyes and a nervous tinge to her reiatsu. “Best of luck, Watanabe.”

Renji sat at the hospital’s entrance, surely sent by Momo to fetch her. He pulled her off her sore frame and carried her on his shoulder like she was a bird. It was a gracious save on her achy everything, but she wondered if it was wise to pass through arches and doorways. She had enough of the hospital for some time.

"Hey, lemme onto your back," she said as she straddled his shoulders from behind. A repulsive gesture if it wasn't against the back of Renji's head.

"Ready, kid?"

She hummed affirmative and then hopped into the air. Like the gymnasts they were, Renji quickly rounded her calves and caught her by the undersides of her thighs. Her arms wrapped around Renji's shoulders and then she hummed tiredly.

"Izuru told me you were pretty badass today," Renji told her. "You're prodigal, Karin-chan. And you should compliment me for knowing that word because I learned it just last week."

"You're so smart, Renji," she mumbled. "... is Momo-senpai upset with me?"

"I dunno. We haven't spoken since last night. You guys were up early and I don't do that to myself."

It seemed her responses were just lame hums. She was so tired....

"I hate Watanabe. It's all his stupid fault for getting Momo upset with me," she said.

"There are plenty of uncertainties in that statement, Karin-chan. If Momo seemed upset with you, it’s because of this whole fiasco-- it's her job to be a drill sergeant the next two weeks."

"But she was so upset with me..." she whined tearfully. "I made Momo-senpai angry and I put her in uncomfy situation and embarrassed her because I'm stupid."

"You're not stupid." Renji jostled her affectionately. "You lasted against Hitsugaya for five minutes, Karin-chan. It's not often that a freshman can last more than five seconds against a captain. My bets are she's as impressed with you as Izuru and I are," he insisted. "Kid, I know it's hard, but Momo isn't upset with you, okay? She's been in your shoes. She just doesn't want you to turn out like... like someone like Tousen, consumed by misery."

She hadn't heard much about Shuuhei's former mentor, but Momo told her that grief corrupted Kaname and twisted him into a violent hypocrite. She was told it wasn't her business past that and she respected that. But it was nice that she was fostered instead of fought against, even if some things seemed cruel in the moment.

"Are you hungry?" Renji asked. "Shuuhei's making takoyaki. A certain bird told us you like fried seafood."

Her lip wobbled. "I miss Toushirou...." It was so hard to be so distant from the love of her life. Alas, she would've fucked it up if they stayed together while she was so emotionally volatile.

"Oh, I know, sweetheart," Renji cooed. "He cares about you so much that he'll wait as long as you need. We're here in the meantime, okay? And we love you so much, Karin-chan, even if we seem upset with you."

She nuzzled Renji's back. She needed that.

They were home before she realized. Izuru pulled her off Renji and sat with her on the couch, though her head had fallen onto his lap before she realized. She didn't care, she just wanted to nap. The delicious smell of fried fish and the anticipation to finally eat something that wasn’t a bland nutrition bar supplied at the break station kept her awake.

"When's Momo-senpai coming home?" she asked.

"She should be on her way," Izuru answered. She wanted Momo home right that second so she could do something akin to apologize for being a total ass.

Shuuhei waved takoyaki in front of her. She reached out with her tongue and rolled one into her mouth because hands were for suckers. There was a collective, fond coo between the three gentlemen she shared the living room with. She was too tired for any witty comments on it.

The door opened just then and Momo walked in. “I’m going to shower and then retire early. Goodnight, all,” Momo announced. Her mentor must have been as spent.

Her lip wobbled some, nonetheless. She wanted to apologize for everything, but it seemed it wasn’t about to happen that night.

She said nothing as Izuru scoot away from her. “I’ll fetch your blankets, Karin-chan. But I think I’m going to bed too. Everything aches….” Moments later, she was draped in a heavy quilt, Shuuhei and then Izuru pressed brotherly kisses to her cheek, and left with her own company.

Her chest ached with self-loathe. What a screw-up.

* * *

Momo was kinder the next morning. She was still woken early for breakfast and Momo was still dressed in that hakuda outfit, however her mentor was as affectionate as if it was any other morning. It was a little surreal when she thought back to the day before, but she was scared to ask about it.

“Shit,” Momo cussed. “Karin-chan, we’re running late. If I make that into a sandwich, will you eat it?”

She nodded, of course. Her potato hash was still warm, bread would’ve only made it mobile.

“You’ve got a meeting with Kyouraku-soutaichou and Headmaster Hiroshi this morning. Can you go there yourself? I would join you, but I’ve got these damn drills to do…” Momo said.

“Y-yeah, no sweat.” She wondered to herself what the Head Captain wanted with her. Her guess was cynical. She was Kurosaki’s sister, she was inadvertently part of the political game and it looked bad when there was infighting among one of their star students whom just took on a captain and a noble boy. It wasn’t the first time she had been called into the headmaster’s office. From past experiences, she and Watanabe would walk away with a slap on their wrists, but the irresolute, meaningless lecture she was given never failed to disgust her.

She bravely made her way to the headmaster’s office after Momo and Toushirou met at the entrance. Her heart hammered against her ribs and she tasted copper as she readied herself for politically-driven inaction. 

She knocked, waited for the order to enter, and then sat in the plush chair she had only the week before.

Shunsui sat in the headmaster’s chair, conical hat laid on the table and the headmaster at his flank. “Good morning, Kurosaki-san. I hope you’re well.”

“It’s just Karin.” She wondered if she would repeat for all her life.

“I apologize. Old habits die hard,” Shunsui laughed abashedly, but it made his apology seem ingenuine. Shunsui had given her mixed feelings since the moment she laid eyes on him. His grandfatherly appearance was heavily contradicted by his shadowy reiatsu. It gave her the impression she ran barefoot through a pine forest at midnight from something lanky and vengeful. “How are you this morning? You look awfully tired, Karin-san.”

“I appreciate your attempt to diffuse the situation with small talk, but I would be more appreciative if you spared me the pleasantries and got to the point,” she replied.

“You’re as professional as Hinamori-san. It’s good to know she’s having a good influence on you.”

“It’s Hinamori-fukutaichou to you, and god so help me if you don’t get to the point, I’m going back to my studies. You being our leader doesn’t give you permission to waste my time,” she said as she folded her arms.

“Ooh, fiery like her too. But I respect your wishes, Karin-san. We have much to discuss, after all,” Shunsui said. He leaned back in his chair and laid his elbows on its arms. “I understand you’ve been getting into fights lately. Karin-san, why is this?”

“There are some real pieces of shit here who beat up my classmates because it serves their egos, that’s why! I keep saying this and no one does anything, so I take it into my own hands and dish out long overdue justice,” she told Shunsui. “Y’know, this is all a joke. It’s only been, what, five years since Yhwach almost destroyed the world as we know it? Four since Tokinada tried to do the same? Eight since Aizen, Ichimaru, and Tousen’s attempt? Why does this hellhole refuse to nip the problem in the bud before it gets to extreme circumstances? Is it because there’s noble families involved? Why do we cater to these entitled shits instead of serving the balance like we’ve sworn to? It’s sickening.”

“What about it is sickening, Karin?”

“Why’re you asking dumb questions instead of fixing the motherfucking problem?” she snapped.

“We’re taking care of Watanabe and those other students on our end. This is about you, Karin,” Shunsui assured her.

“There’s no problem with me!” she screamed. “You’re all ignoring the actual fucking problem. You’re all the problem! You let these entitled little fuckboys get away with whatever because their family’s got some money. You think talking it out, shaking hands, all that bullshit is gonna help. It doesn’t. People can’t be fixed, they don’t change. But hey, y’all are gonna ignore that like Ichigo does, so I don’t even know why I’m wasting my time.”

“Is this about your brother, Karin?”

Her hands slammed on the desk and she flew to her feet. “Can you all stop making everything about me about him!? He’s not the Freudian-fucking-core of my entire fucking personality! It really is just you fucks!” she shrieked. “This always happens! No one listens to me. People always force what they think is correct down my fucking throat and I can’t. Fucking. Stand it anymore!”

“What has been shoved down your throat?”

“I just fucking said it, _Head Captain._ Whatever they think is best for me.”

“And who is they, Karin-san?”

_Everyone!_ ” Lightbulbs shattered with her screech. “You, Ichigo, the Headmaster, even Toushirou! The only people who’ve taken what I want into account have been Momo, Izuru, and Shuuhei. And it’s….” Her energy suddenly left her. She fell back into her chair. “It makes me feel like I’m nothing. I didn’t matter to anyone but a handful of people here, not even my own flesh and blood. I will always be Ichigo’s little sister. I’m not my own person to anyone, just an extension of him. No matter where I go, he will be forced onto me and I can’t do that anymore.” Tears wet her cheeks, her arms hadn’t the strength to reach up and dry her face.

Shunsui sat in the chair beside her with a kind smile. “I’m afraid I can’t tell you that you’re incorrect, Karin-san. Kurosaki will always be a part of your life because of your lineage. But I promise that you’re a separate entity with a unique will and individual agenda. You’re not just Kurosaki’s little sister.  You’re Karin, who stood up to Watanabe while bureaucracy fart on its hands. You’re Karin, Ryuuji Kawashima’s hero. You’re Karin, the love of Hitsugaya’s life. You’re Karin, beloved tenant of Hinamori, Kira, Abarai, and Hisagi. You’re paving the path for your individuality. The fact that you’re exercising your powers to hurt people when Kurosaki never let you shows me that you’re already establishing yourself without him.”

She sniffed. Creepy as Shunsui’s reiatsu was, he seemed genuine and trustworthy. It was refreshing to be met with such calmness and honesty after one of her tantrums.

She stared for a good two minutes before she finally managed to formulate something that wasn’t profuse apology or more obscenities. “Thank you so much for your understanding, Kyouraku-soutaichou. I cannot begin to express how much your patience and kindness means to me,” she said. “However, I ask that you don’t give me this special treatment in the future. Please supply my classmates with the same support if needed.”

“I come down for any cadet who shows promise, Watanabe included,” Shunsui promised her. “Get back to those drills now, Karin-san. I won’t hinder your education anymore today.”

“Yessir!” She jumped to her feet and bowed lowly before she booked it for the courtyard.

Momo instantly caught sight of her and stalked over. “You passed, cadet. Go to the library and you’ll be given instruction there.”

“Hinamori-fukutaichou, I am asking permission to support my classmates through their trials. We will bear this as a team. I refuse to leave my future squadmates so long as I live!”

Momo’s lips pursed. “Alright, run the obstacle course, cadet. You may give words of encouragement, but this exercise is punishment so you may not physically assist your fellow cadets.”

“Thank you, Hinamori-fukutaichou!”

She jumped straight into the obstacle course. She was exhausted and somehow energized. Freed of the heavy burden that slowed her down and consumed so much of her life, she was too full of life to sit down.

The weeks were a blur. Kawashima passed when she could provide emotional support, and she knew many students passed in droves afterwards. Even Watanabe excelled afterwards, though he didn’t linger like she and so many other cadets had.

She dismantled the obstacle course with the sixth year cadets at the end of the course. Not one of her classmates had not succeeded in that two week time. While her initial energy had passed, she was still supportive and inspired and not so angry. It was wonderful to be free of those burdens.

Izuru met her and Momo outside the academy. Izuru carried her like a backpack because she felt like a limp noodle by that point, having ran the obstacle course two-hundred-plus times.

Momo cooed about how proud she was. She thought then that she had done all that without injury from the coarse itself, and she was damn proud of herself too.


End file.
